Monday, September 19, 2011

How it sinks when you realize that you pity him. You want it to be a line from a song but there aren't songs that hit in there like that anymore, they're few and further and harder and harder to find.

If you're really reading then I don't know how you don't understand. You danced to me for that, it's something I felt so hard, but you don't like me and you don't like me and I can't tell you how I feel because if I did you would never speak to me again. When I haven't got even that much to lose I'm still too scared, and the only mortal terrors I feel now are of running my fingers into the press and of opening my mouth to try. And you bully me into my darkest corner like you're enjoying it, I think maybe you actually do, and then I'm losing sleep and constantly sick and breaking out in rashes and it still fucking hurts and there's no one to tell hardly anything at all.

To all the people who stayed at my house this summer: Jeff, Alison and Sam and Carly, Mariana, Cassidy, Lukas, and finally you Mikey: I couldn't be as generous a friend without friends like all of you, but do I wish I could wish away the jealousy and the pain, I do.

But if you talk and nobody's listening
Then it's almost like being alone.
So it's alright the way you piss and moan
It's alright, the way you piss and moan

Like the time traveler who killed his grandfather, these cycles are bringing me down
We could build a nice life together if we don't kill each other first
Are you just too fucked up to understand me or is it the other way around?
Maybe it's both, and I just don't know which is worse.

- Titus Andronicus, "To Friends Old and New"

3 comments:

  1. Pity for the masses, keep that kept heart beating for me, your bright night star (harder and harder to find). I had a dancing girl, once, she was so tight, I felt so feel so hard. I do, too.

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  2. ^ we need another way to talk.

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  3. Mmph. I still don't know what to do about all that.

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